yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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