five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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