Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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