im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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