remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
