dude i'm inner monologue high
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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