her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
