I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
