you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
