yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
