Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
thus making me awesome and them whores
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
