Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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