and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
