if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
