Your mouth is God's brothel.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
