my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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