I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
