I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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