he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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