I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Randomize
