walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
