He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
