In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
