I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
