Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
