Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i drank out of a bidet.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
