So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
