does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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