Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
