Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
