You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
