I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
