Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
