I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
