Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
