if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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