I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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