I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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