Duck Duck Cougar?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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