so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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