i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
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Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize