im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
