Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think my moral compass just broke
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
