I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
