Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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