How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
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