I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
