this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
