I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
