You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
