Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
