Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
