We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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