Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
