Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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