i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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