make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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