My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
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You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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