it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
