Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
