he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
