When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
