You can't motorboat a personality
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
