My liver just broke up with me...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
