You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
