By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
