Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
