Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
