there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
